Uncle George and the Easter Bunny
George was an iconoclast.
He never met a rule he did not want to break or an institution he did not want to burn down.
The Catholic church was his favorite object of derision.
Uncle George loved the Easter Bunny.
The Catholic Church has formally sanctified some 15 mysteries.
George had five. His three sisters were nuns. He called them the Three Sorrowful Mysteries. He called the Three Wise Men the Three Wise Guys. They were mystery number four. Then came the Easter Bunny at five.
When we were kids, Uncle George told us that the bunny and the chocolate chicken got into the Easter story at the Last Supper. The Three Wise Guys showed up late for dinner (again) with inappropriate gifts (again). This time they brought a giant bunny and a sacred chicken that laid chocolate eggs.
Our grandchildren were visiting from Washington for Easter. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not to bring up Uncle George’s Easter Bunny story.
When sitting with chocolate covered faces, surrounded by the bunny’s largesse, the children asked me how the Easter Bunny found them in Florida.
I replied, “Google Maps.”
George would have been proud.
Aside from the Bunny’s credibility problems there are morality issues. The bunny delivers product that is bad for children in an abundance guaranteed to make them ill.
I vastly prefer Santa Claus.
Santa has the moral high ground. If you are bad – no Santa. The bunny doesn’t give a dam.
Good or bad, here’s enough chocolate to put you in a coma.
Santa Claus is also eminently more believable. There apparently really was a guy, St. Nicholas.
Unlike the bunny, Santa has transportation, if unorthodox. He also has a bunch of reindeer and elves as support staff.
Early in my youthful seeking for truth and my place in the universe, I first eliminated the Tooth Fairy.
Inconsistent behavior.
She lost teeth or just forgot to show.
Incredulity then spread to the bunny.
If it wasn’t for the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, Santa’s position in the real world would be much more secure.
Santa should bring a suit for copyright infringement or a tort action for negligent use of fantasy. Put the bunny and the fairy out of business like the voting machine guys are going to finish off Fox.
Elmer Fudd had it right.
Damn Rabbit.